Trusting Yourself No Matter What…

Trust WHAT? Being able to trust oneself is one of the things every human craves for, down inside. Strangely, we seldom recognize the fact and call it by other names. We need support, we need approval, we look up at a guru, we follow the Rules and live by The Book. Why? Very often just because we feel insecure, unsafe. We look at an authority outside of ourselves.

 What’s worse: sometimes we even delegate responsibility and then blame our revered Guru when they are falling from their throne. But, who put them there in the first place? “Them”…or us?

I’m certainly not pointing at anyone and judging guilty. We have simply been trained for lifetimes to do what we’re told, consciously and unconsciously. It has served humanity to grow and develop as it has. But now the world is being turned upside down – almost literally so,  some scientists claim that the magnetic poles will soon switch places  as if nature responds to our consciousness. Probably, you too feel that the old patterns no longer work and that transparency is needed, so that we can regain trust in the outer world.

To trust others you need do trust yourself first.

 But, But really, trusting yourself first is the only way to live your life with confidence. ? So, what about transparency towards yourself and reclaiming trust in yourself? It is not an easy process. But really, trusting yourself first is the only way to live your life with confidence.

Self-trust does not imply that you have to know everything and be perfect, never looking for help. On the contrary, it means understanding where and when you need others, but without making them responsible for you choices. It implies “living dangerously”, understanding that uncertainty is part of the concept of life. Minimize your risks but go for it!

The failure and guilt that we fear are human inventions to keep us within limits, social limits. We’ll only feel these until we stop believing that our selfworth is dependent on the judgement of other people.

I am the last to say that it is easy to free oneself form the concept of  “what will they think of me”. The exact reason I wanted to bring it up is that I’ve been there myself and it still sticks to me a bit. Somehow we were programmed to mis-trust ourselves.

 The good news is that our brain is very programmable indeed. And you can be the programmer!The four main points to re-program trust into your mind:Stop the non-supportive chatter of your mind Start becoming aware of negative, obstructing thoughts like “I’m inadequate” or “I never get this right”. Notice that each time you notice this negative stream you are breaking the chain.

Just observe. 

It is not necessary— even counterproductive — to try and stop the thinking. Just by observing your awareness will grow and the negative mind-chatter will ebb away. Each time you break the chain you can insert a thought or action that serves you and in time that will be the new flow you are in. You will automatically prove that most of the negative chatter was just fear and not true at all. Then you are on the way to trust yourself. Let go of judging yourself, or anyone This is along the lines of stopping the chatter, but one step further.

Just observe what happens when you are judging yourself for what we tend to call failing or not living up to your own expectations. If judging means checking what is effective and what not, then it is fine, because it means you have reflected on a situation and learned from it. But if  you judge yourself you are making yourself wrong. And a bad person can do no good and give up as well…. You know this is not true: you can simply start over.

The same is judging another person, you make them wrong, you are the victim and can give up as well. This also is not true: there’s always another road.  We do things, learn from them, do new things and so on. Your perfection is in the fact that you can grow from your experiences. Can something that moves you forward really be so bad? Accepting what happens makes it easier to learn from it and learning grows your confidence and trust in your abilities.

Make decisions instead of plans

 Postponing decisions and not making choices stems for listening to the mind-chatter and fear of doing the wrong thing. The frightening thing is, that delaying action will only increase your fears. What we call doubt is in essence the fear of taking the wrong turn in our life. Our mind wants to protect us from dangers and anything unknown is regarded a danger by the mind. But is it? Haven’t you been pleasantly surprised many times in your life? An unexpected friendship or just that beautiful rainbow in the grey sky?

Unfortunately we have bought into the belief that decisions are forever. Actually, they aren’t. You can decide differently anytime you want. Just don’t decide based on fear ever.  Decide based on what you feel that is right, based on what you did learn. If you do decide and things happen to turn out other than expected, you’ll have no reason to judge yourself. You just make a new decision. Practicing this will give you the experience that most things will work out or can be corrected along the way.

Take responsibility

 All too often people tend to sit back and wait to see what is going to happen. They wonder why their dreams do not manifest, or maybe don’t even dare to have a dream. When life seems to turn on them they will then blame the situation or hold other people in their lives responsible for all mishap.

Taking responsibility for your own life, your thoughts and actions means that you do not blame your environment nor yourself for your experiences. You are aware that you don’t have everything in your own hand, but that you have made decisions as best as you could at a certain point. The result is, that you really have no reason at all to blame anyone when events turn out other than expected, and more importantly you can claim any success as truly yours!

It is just normal to feel some anxiety in the face of the unknown or unexpected. And when you come from self-trust it is much easier to handle the fears that originate in your brain. You will be able to take them as just warning signs that can help make well founded decisions.

When you are trusting yourself you know that you can go to other people for their opinion or help, but that you are ultimately responsible for what you do. You are aware that you cannot take the world on your shoulders or be more perfect than you already are.  Reprogramming the mind by being aware of the four points offered above should prove a great tool for trusting yourself.

Trust certainly has more aspects than covered in this post.